08.31.08
空头支票
谁不会说？谁不会想？谁又会做？
自古以来，人们会说“有志者，事竟成”；“经一事，长一智”；“既来之，则安之”等等的至理名言，可是究竟有多少人做得到？地球上无数的人口，做得到的与没做或做不到的人，究竟谁占多数？
你身边的人常给你空头支票吗？我常收到身边人的空头支票。各种各样的都有。好像无时无刻都有空头支票进入我的户口似的。这已见怪不怪。我也已习以为常，慢慢的学着接受。
然而，最让我受不了的，不是别人的空头支票，而是，本人的！十九年以来，我的口袋里，已挤满了支票，空头支票。当口袋塞不进时，我就得把它们存入我的户口，叫痛心户口。如今，痛心户口，已经很丰满了。
慢慢的，我开始感到害怕。害怕自己需要“开支票”的时候。
08.28.08
最不忠实的朋友
每一颗心都有一个锁。持钥匙之人理当是它的主人。可是，心锁就常常出卖主人。受伤过，因为害怕重蹈覆撤，我决意锁上我的心。然而，我却被我的心锁出卖了，它终究还是为他们打开了，让他们进入。让我的“前景”茫茫。心锁何时打开，不在我的掌控之中。心锁何时锁上，也不由得我控制。有时，它就是不让某人某事进来。
我的心，不受我主宰。它如何过滤外来者，是它的自由，不到我控制。这也难怪，因为心跳的速度、心跳的次数本来就无法控制的。因为它是自然界的定律所形成的，不是人为的。伤心、痛心等都不是你想阻止就能阻止的。结论：心是你最随心所欲的朋友。它是你最任性的朋友。很多时候，它爱跟你唱反调。它是你最复杂的朋友。换句话说，它是最不忠实的朋友。
虽然如此，可是你别无选择。因为，你不可能离得开它。唯一的方法是，对它处处忍让。
它可靠吗？不知道。倘若它是可靠的，那么我们是不是应该顺心而行？然而，它的“想法”不是你用肉眼就能看到、不是你用感觉就会懂得。它令人不解。
08.27.08
Life after holidays…
So, hows my life after holidays?
This is totally different from how i live during holidays.
My brain is stuffed in this two days! just two days and i feel like im dying soon (touch wood)! Trial exams started immediately after holidays. the first paper i had was physic paper 4. after that, it was pure math. the day before that, i only focus on pure math as i think that i wont be able to accept myself for getting bad result in math. i tried my best for few hours the day before exams!
Life in this two days is rushed, stressed and tired. have to rush for syllabus. i studied as much pure math as i can the day before school day started. on tuesday when “school reopen”, morning, i think i just used about an hour or slightly more than that to flip through physics.
When im stressed, i have thought about not going for exams for uncountable time! hate of thinking this but i couldnt control myself. anyway, i will be okay when im in the exam hall. when the paper is in front of me, i dun have any other time to think of giving up. what i can do is, think anything that can be written. in other words, its crap! just crap about anything! During pure math exams, im not satisfied with my performance. there is question which i dunno how to do and questions that i couldnt get the answer.
As it was the first day after exams, i couldnt sleep the night before that due to problems of sleeping time. i just force myself to stay awake. surprisingly, i look more cheerful than usual as well. why? smile is the best thing to hide stress i think.
Chemistry. its the worst! nothing can be worse than it right? i hope so. my chemistry is sucks. for chemistry, i cant even flip through because its just hard to be flipped! i cant do any last minutes work for chemistry. feel helpless.
After chemistry paper, i thought everything should be better. its my applied math paper! i cannot do a lot of questions!!! i have to leave some blank as well!!! im hurt. dunno how to describe my feeling. did tutorial is insufficient. have to admit that im stupid.
Everything is just due to my extreme laziness.
No more double paper for me in this trial! cheers!
08.25.08
再见了，北京奥运。
16天的奥运会终于圆满的落幕了。
闭幕典礼上，悦耳动听的歌唱、精彩的表演以及美丽辉煌的烟火为它画上了最美丽的句点。
无论是开幕抑或是闭幕典礼，都是那么的盛大，那么的刻骨铭心。
参与者无数，从筹备者到参赛者，数之不尽。
“ONE WORLD ONE DREAM”。
看着辉煌的烟火散去，看着奥运的圣火灭去，我心里竟浮现出不舍之情。
有一点感伤，有一丝不舍，有一分失意，有一些感动。
不管是什么表演，耗人无数，却能做得那么齐，真令人佩服。
“团结就是力量”！
看一群人表演时，我最喜欢看他们的默契、他们的团结。
很齐的动作，会为我带来不可言喻的感动。
一个人要表演得好不算难，一群人要表演得好就是很了不起！
想必，在这辉煌的背后，也应该有一段刻苦的故事。
就好像在奥运会的背后一样，也有一段故事。
参赛者日夜不停的练习，在打破纪录的那一霎那受到了肯定。
恭喜中国荣获最多的金牌。
恭喜马来西亚荣获一面银牌。
再见了，北京奥运。
仰望2012的伦敦奥运。
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08.24.08
面对
反反复复的想了一阵子，想着我是不是应该放弃化学或者生物学。
一科，没有喜欢也没有讨厌、好像很难、考到很差。另一科，好像怎么读都还是读不进脑、我看见它就特别地想睡、不管怎样都觉得自己无法掌握考试的窍门，然而，却考得比以上那一科来得微好。
想啊想，想啊想的，几根头发好像脱落了。
其实我是多余的。两科都不到岸。我之所以要选择，是因为我要减少压力，是因为，我抱着一线希望，放弃这科，专注那科，会对那科有帮助？
可是，倘若我别无选择，倘若我们被规定一定要考，那我们还想不想？
至于重考的那一方面，假期下来，我好像过于享受了，有段时间我是完全忘了它，直到今天。我发现，原来逃避是让你暂时过得舒服，不过，将会为你带来更多的痛苦。
反反复复地想了很久，我究竟能不能只重考一科。
老实说，我真的没有信心，我真的很害怕。要重考两科还是一科？！“有头发，边个想做癞痢？”。如果可以，我当然只想重考一科，如果只是重考一科，我或者可以欺骗自己，我可能做得到，可是，要是两科，痛苦乘二，压力乘二，我真的一点信心也没有。不过，我别无选择啊！
决定了，就不要再摇摆不定！
放弃是一种逃避，我不喜欢逃避。我要面对问题，可是，我行吗？
只是这么小事，就让我烦了好一段时间。等过几个月，当我必须为我将来的路作决定时，我会怎么样？
过去的就是过去了，时间是无法挽回的，我需要的是，面对！没错！我承认！我是浪费了整整的一个假期，没有动书、没有动纸。或许你会说我活该，明知是不该的，却偏偏那样。可是，有时，我们，哦不！应该说是我，就是会脑不如己。我在找借口哦？对啦！
我很害怕，可是我会勇敢地去面对。
这应该是典型的A水平学生的问题，也可能只是我个人的问题。不管你怎么想，我是豁出去了！
我决定承认自己的懦弱。因为惟有承认，惟有面对，才能有望逃出生天。
放心，我比任何人都清楚，我必须独立，因为没有人能帮我。我是一个人。
加油加油加加油！
08.21.08
Day 6 of Aug holidays
Its already day 6!!! shit!!! time flies!!! i didnt realise that half of the holidays have gone!
NOOOO!!! please!!! dun dun dun… dun leave me first! i haven finished enjoying my holidays yet!!!
Well, im not really enjoying. because at the other side of enjoying, i feel guilty. funny right?
What did i do? what i have done? finished watching a few dramas… then? nothing!!!
…laziness, lack of determination and lack of motivation..
Whats wrong? why im so lazy? this is not holidays! this is “study leave”!!!
helpless…
bye my trial…
08.20.08
Determination
Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination Determination
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!!!!! HAHAHA……
08.19.08
循环
有时，在伤心后，我发现自己太笨、太多余了。
每每事情发生时，我们总会“表演过火”抑或“行为过火”，简单来说，就是夸张！那是因为，我们都是性情中人、有血有肉的动物，所以不够理性吧？人之常情。
或许是因为没有心理准备，突如其来的打击让我不知所措，本能的反应想法是极端的。哭啊哭的，心，痛呀痛的，好像这就是世界末日一样。然而，“大雨”后，我都会问自己：“真有那么严重吗？”没有！是我过火。
没有冷静下来，就想东想西的，那就是胡思乱想咯！胡思乱想，又怎么会有好下场呢？
伤心后，当眼泪自动停下时，不是你刻意地让它停止的那一种哦！你就会发现，一切都没有那么糟！
收拾心情，一切又恢复正常。
然后，不愉快、不顺心的事还是会再发生，你依旧会认为世界末日又来了，再度很伤心，再哭得死去活来，然后再收拾心情，恢复正常。
这就是我们生活里的循环。正所谓循环，当然不能跳过某一节咯！
如果可以，我希望自己能够从这循环中学会成长，不会被同样的人伤害超过一次，因为上一次当，学一次乖。被伤过一次，你就应该“免疫”了，不是吗？人体内不是有“memory cell”，会帮助记忆入侵体内的外来者，然后助你免疫吗？为什么对不停伤害我们的人，特别是我们身边的人，我们就不能那样？
每一次的伤害，都是我的一支强心针，让我的心变得更强。不断的打强心针，会不会让我变成无敌？=)
08.17.08
Holidays in Aug 2008!
Its holidays now! how is holidays in Aug 2008 likes? Ms Chong: ” this is not holiday for you all, your holidays will only start after A2 finish…” anyway, its still holidays! to everyone who is having holidays, HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!! although trial exams is round the corner (immediately after holidays), but still, its holidays! no class=holidays! agree? ^^
my holidays life is like this: sleeping late and waking up late, eating, watching drama (contribute most time i supposed) and … study? (unknown)
so far, my first day of holidays: woke up at 12 noon, watching drama non-stop after brunch until evening and then took nap until late night. dinner followed after that. then, drama again. 
a boring day. i hope that i will can do something else… my laziness…=( nothing can be done about it (=speechless).
im playing “lost contact” with tiffany and shindy. lol. we have had agreement that we wont contact each other during this holidays.^^ since 2008 started, we havent really “lost contact” for more than 4 days i think. usually, we will chat online or sms. anyway, we are “breaking up^^” soon, so we should get used to it. ^^
tiff is going on trip in sept, i will be lonely soon! sob… hehe… blek! i will learn to be independent! i can do it! enjoy your trip if you have decided to go. dun worry too much. bring your notes with you. i believe that it wont affect you much! if you think you can, you can! if you want it, you will have it! since you mix well with anyone, then make friends with determination and motivation! ganbatte!
my task: stay determined, motivated and hardworking, be happy, be strong and be independent! i doubt that i can achieve any of it =(
no more msn for dunno how long =( anyone miss me on msn? hehe… because i have promised someone that i wont on msn (sorry that i still on my com 24 hours^^….because of…drama…shhhhhh….)
(pointless…LOL)
greenTea